He Died. We Never Married. I Lived On His Wages.

Your partner has died, you were not married, and you had been living on his income. Underneath every other worry sits one urgent question: what can you actually claim? The frustrating truth is that there is no single answer, because there is no single system. What an unmarried partner can claim depends on which of four separate arrangements you are asking about, and each one has its own rules, its own decision-maker, and its own view of whether a cohabitee counts at all.

This matters because the systems do not talk to one another. You can be treated as his partner by one and as a stranger by another, on the same day, over the same relationship. A pension provider might pay you at its discretion while the State Pension rules ignore you completely. There is no "common-law marriage" in UK law that fixes this — living together, however long, does not make you a spouse for any of it. Knowing which system sees you and which does not stops you chasing money that was never there, and, far more importantly, stops you missing money that is.

The four are: his private or workplace pension pot, his final salary or scheme pension, bereavement benefits from the state, and the State Pension itself. Take them one at a time, because merged together they produce only despair.

Four systems, four different answers

The reason this feels impossible is that people expect one rule about "unmarried partners" and there isn't one. Each of the four arrangements was designed separately, at a different time, for a different purpose, and each drew its own line around who counts as family. Marriage crosses every line automatically. Cohabitation crosses some, on conditions, and none at all in one case.

So the useful thing is not to ask "am I entitled?" in general, but to ask it four times, once of each system. Two of them may pay you. One pays you only if you had a child together. One will not pay you anything. Below each is set out plainly, along with the single action that most affects the answer, because in two of the four your outcome was partly decided by a form your partner may or may not have completed.

Source: Office for National Statistics, Families and households in the UK: 2024, which records cohabiting-couple families as the fastest-growing family type, published under the Open Government Licence v3.0.

His pension pot: paid at discretion, if the paperwork points your way

If your partner had a personal pension, a workplace defined contribution pension or a SIPP, what he left is a pot of money. On death that pot is normally paid at the discretion of the scheme's trustees or the provider. Discretion is the key word: they are not simply following his will, and they are not bound to a rigid list of who qualifies. They will look at his expression of wish or nomination form, and they will look at who was financially dependent on or interdependent with him. A cohabiting partner who shared bills and a home is exactly the kind of person that discretion is designed to reach.

That is the good news. The catch is that discretion cuts both ways, and the nomination form is the strongest signal in the file. If he named you, your position is strong. If he named no one, or named someone from a previous life and never updated it, the trustees have to work out his intentions from the evidence — and that is slower and less certain at the worst possible time. This is the single most common way a cohabiting partner loses a pot they should have received, and we cover the wider question of whether you are entitled to his pension if you never married in more detail.

How the pot is then taxed depends on his age at death: broadly, a death before 75 can be free of income tax if it is paid within a set window, while a death at 75 or over is taxed at your marginal rate. That window is the pension death benefit two-year rule, and it starts when the scheme is told of the death, so notify every provider promptly.

His scheme pension: only if the rules recognise you

A final salary or career-average scheme — the NHS, local government, teaching, the civil service, or a private occupational scheme — is a different animal. It does not hand over a pot. It may pay a survivor's pension, an ongoing income for life, and whether it pays one to an unmarried partner is decided by the scheme's own rules, not by discretion and not by how dependent you were.

Most public service schemes now do pay a cohabiting partner, following changes over the last decade, but usually only where conditions are met: that you were living together as if married, that you were financially interdependent, and that neither of you was married to someone else. Some still ask for a nomination on top. Private occupational schemes vary far more widely, and some still define a survivor strictly as a spouse or civil partner, which leaves a long-term partner with nothing from that particular pension. The only way to know is to ask the scheme administrator, in writing, exactly what its rules say about a surviving partner and what evidence they need.

Bereavement Support Payment: only if you had a child together

Bereavement Support Payment is the main state bereavement benefit for a working-age partner. It was extended so that a cohabiting partner can claim it — but only where you were living together with a dependent child when your partner died. A cohabitee without children still cannot claim it, which is a hard line that catches many couples out.

If you did have a dependent child, claim through gov.uk as soon as you reasonably can, because the amount you receive can depend on how quickly you claim — a delayed claim can mean losing some of the earlier monthly payments. This is one of the few places where acting fast changes the money, so it is worth doing before the estate, the pensions and everything else are sorted out.

The State Pension: nothing for a cohabitee

This is the blunt one. You cannot inherit any State Pension as an unmarried partner. The rules that let a widow or widower inherit part of a late spouse's State Pension, or use their National Insurance record, apply only to marriage and civil partnership. However many years you were together, however dependent you were, the State Pension system does not see a cohabitee at all.

It is worth saying plainly because people spend weeks trying to establish a claim that does not exist, and that time is better spent on the systems that might actually pay. If your own State Pension record is thin because you cared for children or a home, that is a separate matter to raise with the Pension Service about your own future entitlement — but it does not open any door to his.

How this plays out in practice

Picture a couple who lived together for eleven years without marrying. He had a workplace defined contribution pension, a period of NHS service years earlier, no children with her, and a house in his sole name. On the day he dies, all four systems look at her at once, and they reach four different verdicts on the same relationship.

His defined contribution pot is the brightest spot. Because she was plainly interdependent with him — a shared mortgage, joint outgoings, a home run on both incomes — the trustees have every reason to consider her, and if he named her on the expression-of-wish form the decision is far more straightforward. If he never filled one in, she is not shut out, but she now has to prove the relationship to people who never met them, and the payment slows while she does.

The NHS service is more finely balanced. Modern scheme rules do provide for a qualifying cohabiting partner, but she will have to satisfy the administrator that they lived together as if married, were financially interdependent, and were free to marry. Old service, a gap in the records, or a missing partner nomination can all turn a clear yes into a maybe, so her first letter to the scheme should ask precisely what evidence it needs and in what form.

Bereavement Support Payment is the flat no in this story: no child, no claim, however dependent she was. And the State Pension never enters the picture at all. That leaves the house, held in his sole name, passing under his will or the intestacy rules rather than to her automatically — which is exactly the gap the 1975 Act, described next, was written to address. The lesson is that the same eleven years read as strong evidence to one decision-maker and as nothing at all to another, so it is worth working the systems in the order they are most likely to pay rather than treating them as one claim.

A claim against the estate: the 1975 Act backstop

If the pensions and benefits leave you short, there is a legal backstop, and it exists precisely for people in your position. In England and Wales, the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 lets certain people apply to the court for reasonable financial provision from an estate when the will, or the intestacy rules, leave them without enough to live on. A cohabiting partner who lived with the deceased as a couple for at least two years immediately before the death can apply, and so can someone who was being maintained by them.

The time limit is short — generally six months from the grant of representation — so this is not something to leave until the dust settles. It is also not a certainty; the court weighs your needs, the size of the estate and everyone else's claims. But it is a genuine route, and where a home or savings were in his sole name it may be the main one. The parallel problem of the house that was in his name when you never married often travels alongside it, and the two are usually best taken to a solicitor together.

Because a cohabiting partner has almost none of the automatic rights a spouse has, life insurance is one of the few things that can put money directly into a partner's hands quickly, outside all of this, if it is arranged in advance and written into trust or nominated. If that is a gap you are now living inside and want to close for the future, you can get life insurance quotes and have an FCA-authorised broker explain how a policy can be set up to pay a partner rather than an estate.

Scotland and Northern Ireland

The pension and State Pension positions above are broadly UK-wide, but the claim against the estate is not. In Scotland a surviving cohabitant can apply to the court under section 29 of the Family Law (Scotland) Act 2006, but the window is tighter — the application generally has to be made within six months of the death itself, not from any grant — and it applies mainly where the partner died without a will. In Northern Ireland the equivalent of the 1975 Act is the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) (Northern Ireland) Order 1979.

These differences are not details; a Scottish deadline can expire while an English one would still be open. Wherever you are, take legal advice quickly, and read the rest of this topic in our guide to pensions, nominations and death benefits so you can see which of the four systems is worth your energy first.

Frequently asked questions

Can I claim bereavement benefits if we were not married?

Only if you were living together with a dependent child when your partner died. Bereavement Support Payment was extended to cohabiting partners with children, but a cohabitee without children still cannot claim it. Apply through gov.uk as soon as you can, because the amount you receive can depend on when you claim.

Do I have any claim on his pension if we never married?

It depends on the type of pension. Trustees of a defined contribution pot can usually pay a financially interdependent partner at their discretion. A defined benefit scheme may pay a survivor's pension only where its rules recognise unmarried partners, and some still define a survivor strictly as a spouse or civil partner.

Can I make a claim against his estate as his partner?

If you lived with him as a couple for at least two years immediately before the death, you may be able to apply to the court under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 for reasonable financial provision from his estate. Time limits are short, and the rules differ in Scotland and Northern Ireland, so take legal advice quickly.